Burger King -- the $1 alternative?

It's the last day of your visit and the ATM isn't as friendly as it once was, $20 for a burger and fries is not in the cards. Be aware a Burger King is opening on the NorthEast corner of Washington & 11th Street, offering an affordable alternative. I don't often recommend fast food, but when necessity calls....

Tourists beware -- the $12 cocktail

Pity the poor tourist who wanders into a local beach gin joint to discover he's going to be charged $10 for a watered down drink (that's $10 before tip), add on the typical $2 tip and he won't get enough change back from his twenty to pay for a refill. (and the bartender is neither pretty or friendly!) I call it a rip off when you can go over to Twist any time from 1 - 9 and get 2 stiff drinks for $9. (Score and Halo have similar pricing but their hours vary (check out "The Wire" for schedules. During these hard economic times, don't get ripped off, especially when there are convenient alternatives. South Beach is fun and affordable!

Tropical Saturday

With 3 tropical waves working their way west, Ocyavio, our loyal gardner is in taking out anything that would blow down if a storm does decide to call. Even without a storm it is very warm and humid -- the caymen procreating in the Everglades must feel right at home. Still our skies are blue and a truly pleasant trade wind is blowing -- we may escape another rain storm until tomorrow!

September is the depth of our slow season, which seems to be occuring early this year. I certainly don't miss the tourists -- it's just weird without them. Met some drunk Brits this week, who were annoying, it may be just as well that we're light on tourists!

Sunny Sunday

yesterday we had an early rain shower that raised the humidity so once the sun got going it became very tropical -- hot! Stopped in at Twist to escape the heat, it was a popular idea as Adolino had a rather lively crowd. It's always a little weird when a place is full of locals I don't know (could they really be locals?) However it was a fun crowd and a pleasant afternoon. The Astors were in to retrieve some property Mrs Astor lost to an eager pickpocket (She really needs to learn caution around the less desireable types...) Fortunately everything important was retrieved in good order (relief all around!) We are meeting for a cocktail this afternoon.

canes

One of the annoying things about walking with a cane & being handicapped on the left side is trying to carry anything (one hand useless, cane in the other). My solution is a backpack, which works adequately. I do often get the shop lifter inspection but that's par for the course in Mr President Bush's Great Recession.

pond scum

One of the sad consequences of Mr President Bush's Great Recession is the number of locals who can no longer afford a decent drink. I have been shocked by the people who walk into a bar, order a drink, go to the head in mid-cocktail and sneak out the back without paying for the drink. Apparently they believe bartenders are born without memories. (they're not) This has caused a number of places to demand payment before delivering the order. Really can't blame them, but thank you for another minor annoyance, Mr President Bush! Drink thieves are just one more form of pond scum that have surfaced in the last year we've got to put up with, them and Burmese boas, iguanas, and Nile Moitor Lizards.

job hunting

One of the humbling aspect's of Mr. President Bush's Grest Recession is seeking employment after a long vacation "why would you take 6 months off -- aren't you a slave to your paycheck? Why do you live in Miami (as opposed to DC)? Who have you been secretly working for? (I tell them any number of failed banks -- it's credible) Anyway, I've got a complaint -- lately I've noticed a high percentage of job ads that are actually a merger of 3 or 4 jobs. I'm a security analyst but the employer will be looking for a network architect/system adminitrator/security analyst and then they want to pay for the SysAmin -- probably the lowest paid skill. Got a call from a recruiter I've worked with in the past looking for a reference --we chatted for a while but then I lost his phone number

The neighbor

In Miami I suppose everyone has a crazy neighbor -- we certainly do. This "gentleman" is more than a year behind in his condo fees (a common problem) and has 3 small vicious dogs who bark endlessly, specialize in fouling the sidewalks and get their kicks terrorizing the feral cats that protect us from beach rats and the occassional raccoon. Unfortunately Mr Asocial has taken to frequently running small errands naked. I for one really don't need the sight of an overweight 60 year old man dashing about in the buff to make my day -- now there's that blond across the way....

By the way, don't mess with feral cats. The other day one of the little terrorists escaped just in time to be cornered by the cats who apparently work quite efficiently together. That is the last time he'll be messing with them!

despicable

I was recently installed in front of the television watching coverage of a Congessman's townhall meeting -- a woman was screaming something incoherent regarding the government murdering her grankmother (apparently Granny mysteriously survives!) The crowd was in an uproar. Certainly there sare lots of poorly informed, gullible people in this country who are ripe for exploitation by groups with a range of agendas -- and so it has ever been. The current health care nonsense being a prime example.

Last year I was working in England, where I suffered a series of strokes. The Brits put me in an intensive care unit , patched me up and sent me home -- 4 months later. No delays, no bills, no quotas, no red tape As a result I'm alive and walking today. All I can say is God bless the Brits! Anyone who tries to scare the gullible with tales of deficencies in the British system -- shame on you! I used to live in Washington, where I knew several very rich men involved in the "direct mail" industry. All of these very smart people had auctioned their souls for their wealth, they were despicable then and their successors are despicable today. Don't be gullible, don't believe them!

Snake oil salesmen & Extortion Rackets

As we descend deeper into the Great Recession (thank you Mr. President Bush), the scum in the pond is surfacing. As you may know, I have been recovering from a prolonged stay in a British hospital (God bless the Brits!). Recently in deep boredom I decided to seek out employment (a job during a recession -- ok, I was naive!) Anyway, I posted my resume on a job site and began to get calls -- my resume is fairly deep and most of the calls were genuine. However, in my career f'ield certifications are the fad of the moment... hence, the snake oil salespeople. I've had several conversations with people hawking courses for thousands of dollars that guarantee the student will pass the certification exam (flee for the hills!) I've also gotten calls from "recruiters" who promise a job just as soon as I get certified. (could the 'recruiter" be working for the certification company...?) Basically, a genuine certification costs $5,000 - $12,000 to obtain, it then costs about $10,000/year to maintain -- and a person needs 3 to 5 certifications to be competitive in today's market. Obviously someone is making serious bucks here! and the extortion rackets are born. In one case there are 30,000 certified indivuals, 30,000! Obviously we are not talking rocket science -- or any other science! Yeah, I want to spend 10 grand to become one of 30,000. The test itself costs $600 - $700. fair enough -- 30,000 times $600 should keep any extortion artist in tailored suits!

Back to "normal"

Stopped in at Twist at the usual hour this afternoon, as predicted the rumor mill was spinning at warp speed. The Herald's story implied that the victim of Saturday's shooting had been in the bar (shooting in a gay bar is so much more sensational than shooting on the street) the Herald definitely has it wrong (I'm shocked!) The victim's family lawyer was also around -- this is South Beach -- rumors that the police shot the wrong guy were also circulating. It's sad the rumors had some credibility with many locals, the police are so disliked people will accept any story until it is disproven... I'll not pass along the more out there tales -- just the fact that a reliable version of events isn't available, which does noone any good. Yes we're back to Beach normal.

Thunder this afternoon warns our brief dry spell may be over. Our weather has been outstanding although day time temps are getting above 90F, which is just plain hot. Of course anything that encourages nudity among the physically fit is ok with me!

A beautiful morning

One of the joys of South Beach is our early mornings with blue skies and a gentle trade wind, it makes you forget all the nastiness going on (until you accidently turn on Fox News. ) Well, we are in the rainy season and the hurricane season has officially started -- I do believe the ocean is a bit cool for a big one to pop up (I really, really do hope!)

The nightmare that was the Air France flight that went down has been in the news. The prospect of being onboard an airplane as it is going down has to be a horror I can do without. Some years ago a Japanese 747 went down, the investigators found haikus written by the passengers as the plane descended -- gave me new respect for the oriental mind!

As everyone knows, Mrs Astor is preparing a cookbook with Government Cheese as the key ingredient. Based on an article in the Herald, I have requested a recipe for Burmese boa to be created -- with 150,000 16-footers in the Everglades, sounds like cheap protein to me! Further, I am certain Mr Astor can find a use for several hundred running feet of boa leather.... Now if he can just find a use for Nile monitor leather!